No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
