Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
