based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
