Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
that's an acceptable place to lick
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
