Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
