Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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