Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
