sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Randomize
