Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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