Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
