Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
false alarm. still invincible.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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