i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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