Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
