The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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