Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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