I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
