So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
