Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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