I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
