Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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