i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
