So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Houston, we have a blender
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
