why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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