he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
