xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
