May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
