I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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