Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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