just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
