Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
