hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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