I think my vagina is haunted
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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