He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
