I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
