I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
