I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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