He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
