How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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