I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
