Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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