I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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