I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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