When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
