just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
