Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
