ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
