Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
