True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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