She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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