From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
