Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Reggie can tackle my bush.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
