meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
