I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
