More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
When are your genitals available?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
