Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
